Monday, September 01, 2008

Oh, That'll Work

Since for some reason there's a lot of buzz going on about teen sex, I thought I would take a look at what conservative commenters have to say about the subject. I found this real winner from Rebecca Hagelin. Hagelin yammers about the evils of Planned Parenthood, and its president's advocacy of, you know, sex education that actually involves education:
Her so-called “solutions”? Birth-control pills. Condoms. Diaphragms. All of which send an unmistakable message to teens: “You have no self-control, and we don’t expect you to. We know you’re going to ‘do it,’ so just make sure you’re ‘safe’ when you do.”

Never mind helping teens learn the skills they need to say “no.” Forget the guys who may be willing to avoid sex - they’ll have no excuse when the “cool” kids tease them. And the girls who would like help saying “no” when their boyfriends pressure them? Sorry, they’re on their own. Some “solutions”
So... how exactly does Hagelin expect these kids to respond, thanks to the glory of "abstinence only education"? What "excuse" does she expect to be born (no pun intended) of their ignorance?
  • "Seks? What is the seks? I've never heard of the seks."

  • "I would say 'yes', but every time you have sex you get pregnant, and there's no way to stop it."

  • "I would say 'yes', but every time you have sex you get a disease, and there's no way to stop it."

Why am I reminded of Monty Python?
Mr. Blackitt: Look at them, bloody Catholics. Filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.

Mrs. Hagelin Blackitt: What are we dear?

Mr. Blackitt: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it...

Mrs. Blackitt: Why do they have so many children...?

Mr. Blackitt: Because every time they have sexual intercourse they have to have a baby.

Mrs. Blackitt: But it's the same with us, Harry.

Mr Blackitt: What d'you mean...?

Mrs. Blackitt: Well I mean we've got two children and we've had sexual intercourse twice.

Mr. Blackitt: That's not the point... We *could* have it any time we wanted.

Mrs. Blackitt: Really?

Mr. Blackitt: Oh yes. And, what's more, because we don't believe in all that Papist claptrap we can take precautions.

Mrs. Blackitt: What, you mean lock the door...?

Mr. Blackitt: No no, I mean, because we are members of the Protestant Reformed Church which successfully challenged the autocratic power of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century, we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.

Mrs Blackitt: What do you mean?


  1. I don't know what this means, Aaron, but when I heard that Palin's daughter was knocked up, I immediately thought of this blog.

    I have to wonder if the daughter's school had an "abstinence only" "sex ed" program...cuz those work so well.

  2. You probably remembered this.

    On a related note, have you seen this questionnaire, with Palin's answers?

    Q: Will you support funding for abstinence-until-marriage education instead of for explicit sex-education programs, school-based clinics, and the distribution of contraceptives in schools?

    A: Yes, the explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support.

    Q. Will you support efforts to raise or lower the mandatory age of education? Why or why not?

    A. No, again, parents know better than government what is best for their children.

    My rejoinder: You know, unless the parents want quality sex education in schools, in which case the government knows best.

    Unrelated to sex education, but really hard to believe....

    Q. Are you offended by the phrase “Under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance? Why or why not?

    A. Not on your life. If it was good enough for the founding fathers, its good enough for me and I’ll fight in defense of our Pledge of Allegiance.

    My rejoinder: The founding fathers? Does this woman know anything about American history?

  3. That sound you heard was my head exploding. Girl, just use your google and you can learn about the freaking Pledge and "under God".

    I need to go pound on a Brailler now (it looks like an old manual typewriter and is quite therapeutic when you read about potential VPs who obviously need to show up to Ms. Smith's 2nd hour 7th grade special ed Social Studies class. Seriously--the Constitution, Pledge and all that is up for this year. She's welcome to come to my class anytime.)