something like this, but stop myself when I realize that when I write it, that type of humor seems forced. To borrow your inclination to create false dichotomies, there are two types of people in the world, those who refrain from publishing forced humor, and people like you.
Oh, I don't want to be unfair. I realize that your actual goals for the column were to ridicule any who dare question Mitt Romney's glorious perfection, allowing you to conclude with an effusive, over-the-top summary of the glory that is Mitt without having to actually support your claims. But... wow. Even Richard Cohen is funnier than you (and he, also, is nowhere near as funny as he thinks he is. In fact, the funniest thing about him appears to be that he thinks he's funny....)