Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Mitt Romney's Job Plan - Leaked!

To be clear up front, I'm not stating that this document is real. It was or was not leaked to me by somebody who may or may not be an important member of Mitt Romney's campaign, who may or may not be a Bain investor, and who may nor may not actually exist. I may or may not have had it come to me as a relevation after I held what may or may not have been a seer stone to my forehead.

Now, do I know that it's true? As Harry Reid can attest, it's difficult to be certain. By which I actually mean that it is or is not difficult to be certain.

Top Secret
Internal Use Only

Job Strategy Memorandum

From:        Mitt Romney

To:             Campaign Staff

Subject:    Job Creation Strategy

As you know, ever since my retroactive retirement from Bain Capital I have been focused on unemployment. The present job situation is completely unacceptable. I have tried to be upbeat, and have even tried to joke about it, but the truth is painful. I am unemployed, and that’s simply not acceptable. It's not good for me, it's not good for you, and most importantly it's not good for America

I am therefore announcing the following strategy for job growth, a plan through which 12 million jobs will be created during my first term of office The numbers for this plan are solid. They come from a variety of independent, objective sources. To the extent that I depart from their numbers, as you can see, my logic is bulletproof. If their numbers are correct and my numbers are correct my plan will create 12 million jobs over four years.

The best part is, it’s really simple.

First, the data. In April, Macroeconomic Advisers projected growth of 11.8 million jobs over the years 2013-2016. Moody’s Analytics projects job growth of 11.84 million over the same period. We can reasonably call that 12 million jobs. If we get 11.8 million new jobs, nobody is going to complain about what amounts to a rounding error.

Here’s the plan:

Natural job growth:                                          11,800,000

Plus me!                                                                        1      

Subtotal                                                            11,800,001

Minus Obama:                                                                 (1)   

Total:                                                                11,800,000

Remember, this is not about me. It’s about America, and I cannot emphasize enough how important it is for the country that my jobs plan succeeds. This plan is too important to sit on my desk until after the election. I want everybody on my team to immediately devote their full attention to the rapid implementation of this plan. We have a serious unemployment problem here, and it’s your job to fix it.


In regard to the memo, some might say that it's untrue, dishonest, and inaccurate. That it's wrong. But why let trivialities like that get in the way of a good scoop? We have newspapers to sell here, folks. Ad impressions to generate.

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