Mitt Romney - Everything You (Apparently) Were Afraid to Ask....

I was running a Google search today and discovered that auto-complete was suggesting that people have serious concerns about Mitt Romney. I thought I would take the time to address some of the concerns implied by common search terms:

"Mitt Romney fetus" - Yes, he once was a fetus.

"What is Mitt Romney hiding" - Everything but his physical appearance.

"Mitt Romney police uniform" - Fetish? Let's not go there....

"Mitt Romney's jeans" - Didn't I just say... Please.

"Mitt Romney trillion" - No, still only a few hundred million.

"Mitt Romney's email" - OPM@example.com

"Mitt Romney's kitchen cabinet" - Poggenpohl. Nice stuff that you've probably never heard of, and probably can't afford. No, seriously, it's the group of guys who used to take care of Howard Hughes.

"Mitt Romney's laugh" - Don't make fun. His laugh box atrophied.

"Mitt Romney's military service" - I will now present the entire record of Mitt Romney's military service: "".

"Mitt Romney's political views" - He believes exactly what you believe, but with more conviction. Even if you change your mind, he's already ahead of you.

"Mitt Romney's real name" - Stephen. No, actually it's Willard. But don't tell Mitt.

"XCR Mitt Romney" - The manufacturer has endorsed Romney, but don't expect a "Romney in a tank" type picture of him shooting off firearms.

"Mitt Romney zombie" - No, truly he's not, but it's an easy mistake to make.