A Better Ending for Lost

As Jack puts the plug back in place and the pool refills, the golden glowing energy turns into a searing white light. Cut to the outside, where Ben and Hurley watch in horror as a cloud of black smoke emerges from the cave.

Cut to a beach. Hurley and Jack are sitting next to each other, staring out at the water. Ben is standing nearby, watching and listening. Jack says, "You know, Hurley, I've decided I don't like the island after all. I'm leaving the first chance I get. If only I had a body...." Ben mutters, "Oh, crap. Here we go again." Fade to black.

How Lost Will End

Okay, I have to admit it, I made this ending up. But for real this time....

Who's the mystery candidate - the guy Jacob sent Jack to spy on from the lighthouse. Wallace, right?

What's the secret of the island - a little cave full of a golden, glowing light that everybody wants, right?

A non-linear plot, lots of violence, heroin use, gangsters and hit men....

Yes, you figured it out. The final episode is going to be a 2-1/2 hour "safe for broadcast TV" version of Pulp Fiction. Watch out, Widmore - Marcellus Wallace (Again - Wallace from the lighthouse episode) wants that briefcase full of... golden, glowing light that everybody desires. And remember this:

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

Complete with role ambiguity:

But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinkin': maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd

(Just when you thought the producers were making this up as they went along.)

As for the attempted robbery:

Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you. But I can't give you this case, it don't belong to me. Besides, I've already been through too much shit this morning over this case to hand it over to your dumb ass.

Bad language or no, tell me that's wouldn't be an understandable response to a robbery attempt from somebody who just got off the island with a briefcase full of its magic light.

Hurley, of course, owns Big Kahuna Burger, a natural adjunct to the chicken business.

All questions answered. Sort of.

Lost Ending (Spoiler)

Not that I am usually inclined to post spoilers, but given that last night's episode all but gave away the "nature vs. nurture" theme on the corruptability of man it doesn't seem like I'm giving much away. So here's a climactic moment from the script for the final episode:

The scene opens with a fight between Jack and Sayid. Sayid knocks Jack to the ground and starts to strangle him. Hurley and Kate rush over to try to pull the men apart.

Jack: [gasping] It was an experiment... to see how our lives would turn out... Jacob and the Man in Black arranged it... they made a bet.

Hurley: I'm afraid it's true.

Kate: I believe him, Sayid.

Sayid: Jacob and the Man in Black... ruined my life... over a bet? For how much?

Jack: A drachma.

Sayid: One drachma... fine. That's the way they want it? No problem.

A delightful revenge plot then develops during which Ben ends up in a Polar Bear costume, locked in a cage with an amorous, long-forgotten island resident, while the castaways trick Jacob into believing that the Island is nothing more than a dream sequence in which characters from the HBO series Deadwood have been transposed into a sequel to Carnivàle. Jacob releases the Man in Black from the island, and a grinning Sayid hands Jack a drachma.

The episode closes with the entire cast, hand-in-hand on the beach, singing "Freewill" as the sun sets behind them.