Saturday, May 21, 2011

The Rapture: Good News and Bad News

The good news is that the rapture will occur at precisely 6:00 PM this evening, and the righteous will be transported to heaven, leaving only a heap of abandoned clothing in the spot in which they formerly stood. This is a bit like the New Year - it will happen at 6:00 PM in accord with your time zone, so you don't have to worry about figuring out how many hours to add or subtract from the scheduled event.

Now the bad news: If you're still here at 6:01 PM it does not mean that the rapture didn't occur. It means that you're not righteous, and will remain here among the damned. So sorry.


  1. I knew you wouldn't get raptured!!!!! :)

  2. I've changed my mind. We're all now in heaven. Strangely, it's exactly like Earth.

  3. No, the bad news is that God hasn't called Harold Camping home yet . . . and the worse news is that some idiots will continue to believe in this senile old fool . . .