"Why vote for whitey when you can vote for 'whiter than whitey'?"David Brooks reveals his shocking discovery that on the eve of the first debate the candidates were replaced by hideous space aliens. Nobody who saw the debate is surprised - the big surprise is finding out that Paul Ryan and Joe Biden weren't "body-snatched". The candidates then agree that the country should build a giant space cannon, with the polls split 50:48 on whether or not it should be aimed at the planet Kolob.
Donald Trump produces a real Obama birth certificate, resulting in the following exchange,
Trump: Barack, I am your father.A secret audio recording is found in which Romney explains why he is running for President,
Obama: No. No. That's not true. That's impossible!
Trump: Search your dreams of your father, you know it to be true!
"It was back when I was still running a small business and was barely pulling in eight figures. We still only had two, maybe three houses, but we were optimistic about the future so we packed the kids into the car and went house shopping. We were driving down Pennsylvania Avenue in D.C. when one of the kids, I think it was Taggart, pointed at the White House and said "Can we buy that one?" Ann laughed, but I said, "You know what...."